The Engineers Song

An Engineer told me before he died
A-rum-titty-rum-titty-rum-titty-bum
An Engineer told me before he died, and I've no reason to believe he lied
A-rum-titty-rum-titty-rum-titty-bum.

That he’d seen a hole so wide,
Ah-rum..........etc.
That he’d seen a hole so wide, it was never satisfied,
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

So he built a prick of steel,
Ah-rum..........etc.
So he built a bloody great wheel,
With two brass balls and a fucking great wheel.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

The two brass balls he filled with cream
Ah-rum..........etc.
And the whole fucking thing was driven by steam.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

He tied the maiden to a bed,
Ah-rum..........etc.
And tied her legs behind her head, he tied her legs behind her head.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

She lay waiting for a fuck,
Ah-rum..........etc.
She lay waiting for a fuck, he shook her hand and wished her luck.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

In and out went the prick of steel,
Ah-rum..........etc.
In and out went the prick of steel, up and out went the level of steam.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

Until at last the maiden cried,
Ah-rum..........etc.
Until at last the maiden cried, enough, enough, I'm satisfied.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

Now we come to the tragic bit,
Ah-rum..........etc.
Now we come to the tragic bit, there was no way of stopping it.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

She was split from arse to tit,
Ah-rum..........etc.
She was split from arse to tit, and the whole damn thing was covered in shit.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

It jumped off her, it jumped on him,
Ah-rum..........etc.
It jumped off her, it jumped on him, and then it buggered their next of kin.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

Nine months later a child was born,
Ah-rum..........etc.
Nine months later a child was born, with two brass balls and a bloody great horn.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

It jumped onto an uptown bus,
Ah-rum..........etc.
It jumped onto an uptown bus, and the mess it made caused quite a fuss.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

The last time, Sir, that prick was seen,
Ah-rum..........etc.
The last time, Sir, that prick was seen, it was in London fucking the Queen.
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.

There’s a warning here for us to tell,
Ah-rum..........etc.
If you see it coming - RUN LIKE HELL!!
Ah-rum..........etc.
Ah-rum..........etc.